HOW TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN

This is a list of how to talk about Women and be Politically Correct:

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. (yep!)
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED-She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. (Honk Honk!)
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes orally REPETITIVE
She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.


FOR MEN, READ HERE:
http://myworldly-life.blogspot.com/2009/02/politically-correct-way-to-talk-about.html

1. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere.
2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.
4. If I was an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes.
5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
6. Baby, you overclock my processor.
7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.
8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive.
9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers.
10. You defragment my life.
11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?
12. You must be auxin, cause you are causing me to have rapid stem elongation.
13. Baby, let me find your nth term.
14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
15. Baby I’ll treat you like my homework — I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
16. Hey baby, can I see what’s under your radical?
17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.
18. I’m a fermata… hold me
19. I think my heart just lagged.
20. I wish I were your second derivative so I could fill your concavities.
21. Did you just combust? Because you’re HOT.
22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.
24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT.
25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999, but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.
27. Baby, every time I see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up.
28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
29. What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1.
30. If my right leg was Christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?
31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.
32. You’re so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile.)
33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?
35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1.
36. You know, it’s not the length of the vector that counts. It’s how you apply the force.
37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours, and then half again… and again… etc; would they ever meet? No? Well in this specific case I am going to disprove your assumption.
38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
39. If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.
41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?
42. Our love is like dividing by zero… you cannot define it.
43. Let’s meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod.
44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves.
45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?
46. Let’s get together and test the spring potential of my mattress.
47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction.
48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.
49. I less than three you.
50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent.

source: my tumblr

I just found this from one of my files, its interesting, and i want to share it you guys..

its also a bit funny and true at same time...



HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN


This is a list of how to talk about Men and be Politically Correct:

This is a list of how to talk about Men and be Politically Correct:

He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

He is not unsophisticated; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

He does not hog the blankets; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.

He doesn't have a dirty mind; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.

He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED